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Jeff Maurer's Blog About Comedy
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Yo You Suck You Fucking Faggot LOL
Topic: Arguably funny stuff

  If you've ever worked in customer service - and I did for six years through high school and college - then you probably suspect that most people are boiling cauldrons of rage, with social conventions being the loosely-placed lid keeping the vitriol from boiling over the top. People are angry; they are insecure. If you've worked as a waiter, or a clerk, or pizza delivery guy, or anything in the service industry, then you've been the victim of someone's misplaced anger. They can't yell at their boss, or their spouse, or their parents, or God, but they can sure as hell take you to task for bringing their hot wings without any goddamned ranch dressing. What is this, Afghanistan? I hope you weren't expecting a tip, dollface.

  If you've ever doubted just how angry and vindictive many people are, doubt no longer; internet message boards have drawn back the curtain. The internet is the wild west of human interaction - there are no laws, and justice is rare. When people interact face to face, most people are afraid to be assholes. Society frowns on it, and you just might get your ass kicked. But when societal and survival considerations are removed - when you're safe in the anonymous darkness of your Mom's basement, wearing only underwear and a single sock - there's nothing to keep all the anger and rage from spilling out. 

  Every exchange on every message board on the internet is roughly the same. The topic of the initial thread barely matters - the same arguments and the same assholery always comes to the front. For example, the comments below are in response to a brownie recipe posted on foodtv.com:

 

aceofknaves: First!

gourmandini: too chewy

megwiggle: first!

drandi29: Fuck you you fucking faggot thes brownies suck!!!! they tatse like my shit!!!!

reese_piece: gourmandi what would you know you fucking dago cunt. I'd like to rip out your eyes and piss in the sockets   LOL

aceofknaves: Hey megwiggle, do you know how to count? Sorry to sound pedantic, but...

Kosovi_is_Serbia: hey drandi29 do you eat your own shit?

ryguy: nice.

m1k3: ooooooooooooooooooohhh, aceofknaves."pedantic". you harvard assholes think there so smark

justiceispeace: This is about the level of conversation I would expect from a country that commits genocide against prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. Athens created art while Spara prepared for war, which is why you Americans and your paternalistic, militaristic culture will never truly appreciate the dimensions and nuances of fine food. Enjoy your hot dogs!

aceofknaves: At least I can spell.

m1k3: spell cocksucker you fucking bitch LOL

thedrumroll: I don't know why your so concerned with protecting the terrorists justicispeace. I know you got used to surrender during WWII but if we surrender now in Iraq then the terrorists will be in control. Hillary and Ombama want to tuck our tail between our legs and run home but we need to have someone with some BALLS in the White House to keep the world safe. I served in the Marine Corps for 20 years justiceispeace and I'll take your apology that you don't speak German right now.

bakken: first!

funbundle: (sigh)

hotchocolate18: do you eat your own shit drandi?!?!

aceofknaves: m1k3 I'd respond but I doubt you'd understand...

justiceispeace:  Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Vietnam, East Timor, Falkland Islands, El Salvador, Rwanda, Kuwait, Kosovo, Afghanistan, Iraq...when will you Americans lean that WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER!

a_TOM_explosion: yo check out my band son we be rockin Cin City and all points north south east and west come check us on myspace: www.myspace.com/atomexplosion

 

 

 

That was made up. But still. 


Posted by jeffmaurer1980 at 12:01 AM EDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, 6 May 2008 - 11:39 AM EDT

Name: "Aparna"
Home Page: http://innerlimits.blogspot.com

First!

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