For Christmas, my wife got me a DC United jersey (which I asked for) and, recognizing that my current soccer shorts have seen better days, added on some official DC United shorts as well. As it happens, I played for a team in high school that wore black socks. So, theoretically, I could wear an entire DC United uniform. Here is my vow to you, the rest of the world: I WILL NEVER, EVER DO THAT. I will not become that guy that wears the entire fucking uniform as if I'm tricking everyone into thinking that I'm on the team. I recognize that my competitive soccer days ended long ago, and now I play only recreationally. The shorts and socks will never appear in tandem with the jersey, which is mostly for when I am watching DC United games. If anyone sees me violating this promise, or if I put my own name and number on the back of the jersey, I give you permission to shoot me in the head. Seriously, do it; I deserve it. Consider this blog post legally binding. Print it out and bring it to court with you.